Why does my long distance partner
always have excuses?

 And when are they valid excuses?

I get lots of question on this subject. People are complaining that their long distance partners are always coming up with excuses. Excuses for not answering the phone, or excuses for where they’ve been, or excuses for not having phoned. The list is pretty big and mostly includes valid reasons for concern.

Every situation is unique, so I’m not going to try and give you a one-size fits all solution to your problems. You do have to use your own discretion in each situation. Still, I’ll look at two of the most common excuses and analyze them for validity.
 

I didn’t receive your sms/text

It is the perfect alibi –if it is true. As a general rule of thumb, I don’t believe any sms to have gone through unless I receive a reply to it. I have two very good examples to illustrate exactly that.

A few years ago, I went to visit my father. We were living about three hours apart at that time. Before setting off, I sent him a message telling him I’m on my way. The next day, while we were taking the dogs for a walk, my father received a sms. It was my sms from the previous day that was a full 24 hours late.

Another time, Mari sent me a sms complaining a bit about her studies. That night, when I phoned her, she was very upset and even more so when I didn’t console her on what had happened. What did happen? She accidentally stepped on and killed one of her hamsters. She did send me a message, but I only received it after I hung up the phone.

When I was in the Congo, we had even less luck with our sms’s going through. As a rule, I would say that if you are in different countries, or even in the same country but on different networks, don’t always assume that your message has gone through.
 

I don’t have time to call

If you’re in the same time zones, and you both don’t really do anything after hours, I don’t quite buy that excuse. If your relationship is important to you, you will make some time to call each other.

If you are on different time zones, or in different countries, or one of you is working shifts, then time is an issue. I suggest you get out a calendar and mark out the dates and times that you will be able to communicate with each other and then stick to it. If your relationship is important to you, act as if it is important to you.
 

Why does your partner make excuses?

The next valid question, regardless of the excuse, is why there are excuses and not solutions? I worked for a company where the boss would always say: “Don’t give me problems, give me solutions.” This is one of those cases where business rules apply to your relationship. If you’re only making excuses and not looking for solutions, you’re in effect looking for a big enough excuse to end your relationship. An excuse like that would be: “We had differences we couldn’t overcome”. Well did you actually try to do anything about it?
 

Trust

The next possible reason for excuses is simply a matter of trust. This is not you trusting your partner, this is about your partner feeling trusted. If your partner doesn’t feel as if you trust him, he will automatically make excuses for everything.

I’ve worked in jobs like that, where you always have an excuse ready, in case the boss asks you where you’ve been and what you’ve been doing. The funny thing is; if you’re treated like an untrustworthy person, you become more and more untrustworthy. Remember to download the chapter on trust on the left hand side of this page.

The better your relationship, the fewer excuses there will be. Sometimes, if you really listen to the excuse and help your partner look for a solution, your relationship will grow because of it.

Best of luck
Leon

Please feel free to contact me at info@longdistancerelationshipsecrets.com if you have any more questions.