The three most common reasons that
long distance relationships fail

Why do long distance relationships fail? Do they have a greater tendency towards failure than “normal” relationships? What are the most common reasons for failure, and what can you do about it?

I’ve read a statistic somewhere a while back that states that long distance relationships actually have a better success rate than proximal (normal) relationships. Because I haven’t verified the statistic, I’m not going to include the numbers here, but it does make sense to me.

If you and your partner decide to enter a long distance relationship, it means you’re definitely considering having a long term relationship – otherwise you would have just broken up, wouldn’t you?

Still, long distance relationships do sometimes fail. The most common reasons I’ve found are the following:

1. Blaming the distance when there are other problems
   
   
2. No long time perspective
   
   
3. Setting yourself up for failure right from the start

Blaming the distance

What do I mean by “blaming the distance”? Well all couples have trouble in their relationships from time to time. It’s completely normal, and if handled correctly, will lead to growth in the relationship.

The problem comes when couples say things like: “We’re fighting all the time because we’re so far apart”, or “It’s just so hard to trust each other when you’re apart”.

Let me give you a reality check: You’re not fighting because you’re apart. You’re fighting because of some kind of misunderstanding or clash of interest between the two of you. This does not come as a result of the distance. You would have had misunderstandings if you were together. Don’t blame the distance.

Reality check number two: If you can’t trust your partner when you’re apart, you can’t trust your partner when you are together. If you’re afraid your partner will cheat on you just because you’re apart, you don’t have a strong relationship. Distance is not the culprit here. All is not lost yet. You can still work on strengthening your relationship even if you’re apart.
 

No long time perspective

How many times do you hear people complaining on forums that it will be two years (or three years, or eleven months…) before they will be together again and they don’t think they can handle it?

Seriously now – two years is not such a long time. Even if you’re only a teenager, think back over the last two years of your life. Did it feel all that long? If you’ve already left school, think about how fast time seems to fly. I still regularly dream about school (mostly exams that I forgot to study for…), even though I’ve long since forgotten everything.

Consider your time here as an investment. You’re investing two years of your life in order for you to be with the person of your dreams for the rest of your life. I’m assuming again that you actually have a long time plan in your relationship. Let’s say you’re apart for two years, and you’ll be together for at least another 50 years after that. It’s a 25 times return on investment. I wish I could do that with my money!

I’m not saying you should know right away whether or not your partner in this relationship will be your life partner, but you do need to consider the option.

Setting yourself up for failure

I’m hearing you say: “I don’t do that…” Well, you may just inadvertently be doing it by listening to the wrong people and having the wrong mindset. Have you ever made the following statements?
 

-          I don’t really believe in long distance relationships

-          I really like him/her but I don’t think it will last

-          My friends told me it’s a bad idea

 
Did you ever play some kind of team sport in your life? What did the captain tell you before the game? “Guys, I don’t think we’ll make it, but let’s just give it a shot?” Of course not! If you had any kind of decent captain, you would have been totally psyched up before the game. You would have been 100% positive about it, even if you knew you were up against a stronger team.

Now what makes you think that a long distance relationship will work if you don’t have the right mindset? If you’re already thinking about how it will not work, you’re planning for it not to work.

As a quick side note: If your friends tell you it’s a bad idea because of the person you’re dating, you may consider listening to their advice. If they tell you it’s a bad idea just because it’s long distance – ignore them.
 

If you avoid these common mistakes, you’re almost guaranteed a successful long distance relationship.

Best of luck
Leon

Please feel free to contact me at info@longdistancerelationshipsecrets.com if you have any more questions.