I received the
following question:
“My relationship was going
well and then it plummeted. It
was a long distance relationship but it was going so well and strong
for 7 months
and then crashed. I would give anything to get her back and I really
need some
advice.”
This is just one example
of countless questions I receive
asking advice for basically the same problem. So how do you fix a
relationship
that has gone bad?
Go for the
6-point checklist
1. Go visit
If you really would do
anything, I suggest you start by
going to see your partner and try and work things out. Long distance
relationships are hard, but don't let anybody ever tell you they can't
work
out. My girlfriend/wife and I were in a long distance relationship for
more
than three years, and we're in one again. It sucks big time, but it's
definitely still worth it.
If there really are
problems in your relationship, it’s best
to discuss it in person. Phone calls, Skype, webcams, etc. are all
great
resources that you can use to communicate, but real problems need real
people
to sort them out. Not people on computer screens or voices on the other
side of
telephones. This is not to say you can’t work it out over the distance,
so
don’t just give up yet. It’s just easier in person.
2. Do some
digging
Find out exactly what led
to the (possible) breakup. Dig
deep. If it's something one of you said, dig deeper still and find out
what led
to that being said. I would assume that you are not an inherently bad
person,
so if you said something bad, there must have been a reason for you to
say it.
Don’t stop digging once
you’ve reached what looks like an
answer. Maybe there’s an even deeper level, something that happened a
long time
ago. And quite possibly, that something was a complete
misunderstanding. It’s
happened to us a lot, and I don’t think we’re unique in that way.
If you haven't done so yet, be
sure to join the forum
and join in the discussion of this and other articles. You can also
post your own discussion topics for answers by me and the rest of the LongDistanceRelationshipSecrets
community.
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3. Be
brutally honest
You have to be brutally
honest, both with yourself, and with
your partner. Your digging will lead to some things you wouldn’t want
to know,
both about yourself and your partner. You should be prepared for it.
This is
not the time for mud slinging. This is the time to be a couple. Couples
stand
together through everything and help each other. You need to admit to
the
things you find.
4. Admit
your mistakes
Admit those mistakes that
you’ve uncovered. Admitting
mistakes isn’t saying: “I was brought up this way, I can’t change…”
Admitting
your mistakes means finding out what you’ve been doing wrong so far and
actively doing something about it. This is where your partnership will
be
instrumental. You have work together with each other to come out better
as a
team on the other side. But don’t stop at your partner. You should also
use the
help of friends and family. They may be even more brutally honest with
you than
your partner.
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I absolutely know that your relationship is important to
you. Why else would you be reading an article on how to improve
your relationship?
Well, if you really are serious about your relationship (and we both
know you are) how does 150 pages of first class
help sound to you?
And what if I said it will only cost you $12.95?
(I'll
even
let
you
try
it
for
as little as $4.95)
This is the second edition of Long Distance Relationship Secrets. I had
to re-launch the book in January 2010, because there was just so much new information
to include. For the last few years, I've been quietly adding
information to the master copy. Information gathered by answering the real, honest questions send to me
by countless couples that struggle with long distance
relationships every day.
This book contains infomration that you will not find anywhere else on
the internet - not even in the articles section of this very site.
You owe it to yourself and your partner to at least take a peak at Long
Distance Relationship Secrets - Second Edition
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5. What are
your plans?
Does your partner know
that you have long term plans for
your relationship? You do have long term plans don’t you? Like maybe
getting
married eventually? If you're serious about making this relationship
work, I
would assume it's because you feel that there is a possibility of a
long term
relationship. Maybe if your partner knows that's the way you really
feel you
will get renewed energy and a renewed sense of direction in your
relationship.
Seriously, I’ll never tell
you when to break a relationship.
Only you can ever tell yourself that. But if you don’t see a long term
goal for
your relationship, a long distance relationship is not your best
option. Long
distance relationships are harder work than normal relationships, so
you have
to have something to work for. In our case, as with many others, it was
and is
definitely worth it, no matter the distance, and no matter how long we
are
apart.
6. Make some
sacrifices
You will have to make some
sacrifices in your relationship,
but weigh it up against the rewards, and eventually it’s no sacrifice
at all.
As an example, I spent a lot of money during the course of our long
distance
relationship in order to visit Mari often enough. But I never saw our
relationship in terms of a monetary value. What I got in return is
something
that no amount of money can ever buy.
Maybe your sacrifice is
something else. Maybe you just need
to spend less time doing something else you want to do, and spend more
time on
the phone with your partner. Or maybe you should take the plunge and
look for a
job closer to your partner. Even if it may mean that you will have to
work for
a lower salary.
Never just give up on your
relationship without a fight (for the relationship that
is, not a
fight in the relationship). Every
relationship goes through a bit of a rough patch from time to time.
Long
distance relationships are no different.
Best of luck
Leon
