I once told a guy to find out why exactly his girlfriend wanted to break up with him. The answer didn’t make sense to me. It’s an answer I see a lot, but it just doesn’t make sense when you think about it. The answer was: “It’s just too hard for me to miss you this much”

Let’s rephrase it: “I miss you so very much that I would rather let you go and never see you again, than see you only every once in a while.”

You may think it’s a reasonable answer, but consider it using these five questions:

1. Would it really be easier?

I know my way of thinking doesn't apply to everyone else, but personally I can't see why you would break up a relationship with someone you really love just because you're not together. It's tough and I should know. I'm in a long distance relationship at the moment. But isn't it tougher to lose the love of your life?

All the times it was so hard for me I just knew I didn't want to break up with Mari, for the simple reason that I would miss her even more when we're no longer together. And the thought of never seeing her again, would be harder on me than the thought of only seeing her again in a few weeks/months.

So think about it clearly. Imagine your partner never being a part of your life, ever again. Do you still think breaking up is a good idea?

 

2. What would happen to you?

Of course you will go on with your life, but will you really? Just think for a moment: If you broke up, do you think you will find someone else that you love nearly as much? Do you think you will find the same happiness with someone else?

First consider what you have in your partner, before you answer this question. In our case it was a complete no-brainer. There was absolutely no way that we would break our relationship. We were (and are) meant for each other.

 

3. What will happen to your partner?

Don’t tell me you don’t care. You wouldn’t be reading this article if you didn’t care about what happened to your relationship, and per extension your partner. Can you stand the though of your partner in the arms of another? The mere thought of Mari being in a relationship with someone else made my blood boil. She’s too important to me. I just knew that nobody else would care for her as much as I did (and still do).

If you haven't done so yet, be sure to join the forum and join in the discussion of this and other articles. You can also post your own discussion topics for answers by me and the rest of the LongDistanceRelationshipSecrets community.

4. How long is it still before we are together?

Really count the time. It’s not as long as you think. Yes, it may even be years, but if, for example, you eventually get married, you will be together for many more years. You should use long term perspective in your relationship as well as in your personal life all the time.

As a perspective, a few years aren’t that long. If I look at pictures of old schoolmates on Facebook, they really do still look almost exactly the same, and it’s almost time for our 10 year reunion.

Clearly label the days that you will be together on a calendar, preferably a pin-up one that you can see every day and then tick off the days in between as they go by. It really helps to make the passage of time seem quicker.

 

Long Distance Relationship Secrets - Second Edition Updated January 2010 I absolutely know that your relationship is important to you. Why else would you be reading an article on how to improve your relationship? Well, if you really are serious about your relationship (and we both know you are) how does 150 pages of first class help sound to you? And what if I said it will only cost you $12.95? (I'll even let you try it for as little as $4.95) This is the second edition of Long Distance Relationship Secrets. I had to re-launch the book in January 2010, because there was just so much new information to include. For the last few years, I've been quietly adding information to the master copy. Information gathered by answering the real, honest questions send to me by countless couples that struggle with long distance relationships every day. This book contains infomration that you will not find anywhere else on the internet - not even in the articles section of this very site. You owe it to yourself and your partner to at least take a peak at Long Distance Relationship Secrets - Second Edition

5. Have we really tried everything?

Have you really looked at all the alternatives? Is there no way that you can be together more often? Or even permanently? I know you sometimes have no choice whatsoever. I’ve been there more often than I would have liked. But you just work through those times and make plans for those times that you will be together again.

Distance really isn’t a good reason to end a relationship. It may be hard on you, but if you’ve found the right person, there really is no reason for you to break your relationship.

Best of luck
Leon