Doesn’t everybody cheat after a while?

So why do some people cheat when others don’t? How can some people stay faithful, when others fall? Is it bad people that start cheating? I would like to think otherwise. If it was only bad people that started cheating, that would mean some of the people I associate with are bad people. Yes, I’ll admit it. I do know people that were in long distance relationships that started cheating.
 

It’s all in the mind

I really hate it when people tell me it’s all in the mind. The term is usually used in the context of great achievements.  Well, I can tell you, as much as I would like to think I can, I would never win a Wimbledon Men’s Final (I don’t even play tennis by the way). If it was all in the mind, why did Lance Armstrong win the Tour de France 7 times in a row? Did he have great will power? More than most people, I can assure you. But my question is this: Did all those riders that came in second and third place for those 7 years have less will power? I don’t think so. They also trained for years and years. That’s true will power.

So I’ll give you an example of what I mean by “in the mind”. In 2006 I was working with a drilling crew in a rather remote part on the west coast of South Africa. The nearest town was 70 km away on a very bad gravel road. The town itself would have been called a one-horse town, had there been any horses. Consequently, there wasn’t anything that could be called entertainment by your normal night life people. Even if any of us wanted to cheat, there wasn’t any opportunity.

One of the drillers, let’s just call him John, for anonymity, got a transfer to a different site. There he would be staying in a town. Technically, it would be even more remote than we were, but it was a mining town. In short, what it meant was this: 2000 – 3000 people staying in a remote area, with nothing much to do except going out to one of the 15 bars in town. I’m serious: every club (tennis, bowls, etc.) has their own bar, and there’s at least two non club related bars as well. They’re not all open at the same time, but you’d have your pick of at least 4-5 bars on any given night.

John was happy for the transfer, but also afraid that he’ll cheat on his girlfriend when he got there. As he put it: “I’ll get drunk, and then when I miss my girlfriend too much, there will be all these other hot chicks, and in the end, I’m only human…”

That is the wrong frame of mind to be in. He’s admitted defeat before even being challenged. To be frank, I got the feeling he was looking forward to getting drunk and using it as an excuse to “just be human”.

It must be the way I was brought up, and I thank my parents for that, but thinking like that is just not an option for me. If you commit yourself to your partner, then that’s it. You don’t look around for trouble. And if you see trouble coming on, you make certain that you get out of the way.
 

Fixing your mindset

For me, it was as easy as saying: I won’t cheat. But thankfully, I was also always in such remote areas that there just wasn’t any chance to cheat. I don’t really enjoy going to bars either, so when I was stationed in some of those 15-bar mining towns, I would rather stay at home, or go and visit friends.

Look out for your own weaknesses

To somebody that’s very social, saying that he should avoid going to public places would be like a jail sentence. That would make the long distance relationship even more unbearable, and would definitely lead to trouble of a different kind. So the best advice I can give you is to look out for your weak spots.

If you go out, take a friend with you. It should be somebody that you can trust to tell you when to go home. And then you should trust your friend’s judgement. If he tells you it’s time to go home, don’t start getting smart and saying you’re still in charge of the situation.

Full disclosure

The next important thing is to be completely honest with your partner. Don’t start saying you were watching DVD’s with your friends when in actual fact you were out on the town. Once you start lying, you will have to continue telling lies to cover up for the first lie.

And yes, you should even tell your partner when somebody was flirting with you. That’s why you should have a friend with you. Your friend can then verify your account of how you didn’t give in, and how you’re not going to go to that bar/club again for a few weeks. It’s not your fault if you’re good looking, is it? If you don’t have reliable witnesses, and you don’t tell your partner about it straight away the story will get out and reach you partner the wrong way.
 

My wife once went to a friend’s birthday party. I was somewhere far off again (I think it was when I was in the driller’s camp I mentioned before). She doesn’t really like dancing at all, but she danced with three guys, and at least one of them flirted heavily with her. She “batted” the poor guys so hard they’ll be careful who they chat up next time! She was there without a date, so obviously it looked as if she was single. Did I in any way feel threatened? Not at all! She told me about it straight away (the next day obviously, as the party ended rather late). I didn’t even ask any of her friends what really happened, because I knew she was telling the truth.

Long Distance Relationship Secrets - Second Edition Updated January 2010 I absolutely know that your relationship is important to you. Why else would you be reading an article on how to improve your relationship? Well, if you really are serious about your relationship (and we both know you are) how does 150 pages of first class help sound to you? And what if I said it will only cost you $12.95? (I'll even let you try it for as little as $4.95) This is the second edition of Long Distance Relationship Secrets. I had to re-launch the book in January 2010, because there was just so much new information to include. For the last few years, I've been quietly adding information to the master copy. Information gathered by answering the real, honest questions send to me by countless couples that struggle with long distance relationships every day. This book contains infomration that you will not find anywhere else on the internet - not even in the articles section of this very site. You owe it to yourself and your partner to at least take a peak at Long Distance Relationship Secrets - Second Edition

Related articles

I suggest you visit the articles page and read more of the articles there. I don’t want to repeat myself in this article. You should specifically focus on two articles: How to get more openness in your relationship, and Communication, Commitment and Trust. Both these articles are vital in understanding the issue at hand.
 

Best of luck
Leon

Please feel free to contact me at info@longdistancerelationshipsecrets.com if you have any more questions.